As I have mentioned before, there is a gap I find hard to bridge in my relationship with my eldest girl. Somehow, I always feel guilty towards her, but at the same time, somehow, I can't help but find her annoying.
Don't get me wrong, she is my flesh and blood and I love her but ah well.. The distance in between us is really a challenge to be bridged.
There are just too much differences in between us and the huge problem is she reminds me too much of both a bad childhood, because of her characteristic that really and truly resembles my mother and her thinking is just light years away from mine. My mother is stubborn, hell bend on getting her own way,over excited at times, selfish at times, and just fixed in her ways and well, guess what? My eldest daughter just takes after her and I just do not know how to handle it. For me, living with her is like having to live with my mother and putting up with all the criticism and telling off. Sometimes, I find myself resenting her. However, then I remind myself that she's my daughter.
I am basically a simple person who loves nothing better then to just wear a t shirt and shorts or 3/4 pants or jeans. I however enjoy dressing up as well in dresses, skirts and pretty things. My youngest daughter, thankfully is like me in some ways. However, when it comes to my eldest daughter, I am at a loss for words. She insists on wearing the headscarf as all muslim women are supposed to don. I have nothing against it but she is a teenager and I wish she could be slightly more fashionable like my stepdaughter or even some of her(my daughter's) friends, but no, majority of the time she dresses like my age or how an older woman would dress. I think I dress younger then she does, in ill fitting clothings with dark dull colours and clothes that hardly do her any justice like a granny sweater and such.
Fortunately, I managed to get her to go with more vibrant colours at the moment. When I suggested that she experiment with dresses and skirts, she just stared at me with disbelief and anything more then a suggestion would make her start arguing with me.
I really wish I could get someone give her a makeover, a real one and make her learn how to dress her age in fun, pretty clothings and make the most out of herself.
She is defensive and prickly, and loves to jump into conclusions, and that's just how my mother is as well. Any slight objection or suggestion will be an affront to her sometimes and it also sparks off jealous feelings between her and her younger siblings, as obviously she is a difficult child to really love whereas her brother(my son) is much more easy going and the apple of his grand mother's eyes and her other sisters, both her father's daughter from another marriage and my other girl are much easier to handle and love as well in comparison to her.
She wants to be loved as well, but then again she builds a wall around herself and make us "keep out" and when we tease her or just a look and she'll just sulk and start the "don't come near" mode that I find difficult to handle..
On the academic scale, I am proud to say that she is brilliant in school and does well on her own, after having been ingrained in her the importance of good grades, and further studies and a good career later in life. I am definitely no tiger mom here and I need more patience and understanding.. Any one with any tips?
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